Mister Viewer, You Could Have Saved Yourself. I Gave You All the Clues.

Opening Act: The Snowman

The Snowman resembles a good movie for all of about 10 seconds. That's how long the beautiful shots of the frozen, desolate Norwegian wilderness look firmly establishing the isolation of a house. Once the film enters the house though, it immediately begins to fall apart in a completely dumbfounding manner. To put yourself in the proper headspace for what this movie is you only need to know one thing. It is about a police detective played by Michael Fassbender named Harry Hole tracking a serial killer who makes snowmen at crime scenes. It is not a comedy. This opening scene is a piece of backstory that I'm pretty sure has nothing to do with Mr. Hole (Disclaimer: I have basically no idea what happens in this movie. It's a complete mess and I stopped caring about trying to put the pieces together especially once I realized that about half the pieces were missing because they didn't film the entire script. This is a bad movie.) but exists to establish the world. Take a look for yourself.

Theatrical Experience - Xenomorph Edition - Alien: Covenant

Alien: Covenant

Director - Ridley Scott

Writers - John Logan, Dante Harper, Jack Paglen and Michael Green

Starring - Michael Fassbender, Katherine Waterston, Danny McBride, Billy Crudup, Amy Seimetz, Demian Bichir, Carmen Ejogo, James Franco

"We don't leave Earth to be safe."

Programming Note: I'm doing something a little different with this post. The first half is going to be a standard review going over the basics of the film and the second half with be a spoilery section because I want to talk about stuff in this movie and this is my blog so I'm going to just do it.

Alien: Covenant or Alien: Michael Fassbender follows in the footsteps of Prometheus in combining larger world-building and philosophizing with the horror thrills expected from an Alien movie. While it still has a few problems Prometheus had, namely characters still make some questionable decisions though none are as egregious as many of the ones from Prometheus. It also doubles the amount of Michael Fassbender giving his a second role, Walter, in addition to a return of David.

Franchise Fast Forward - Alien

Welcome to Franchise Fast Forward a new feature here at the Schurmann Film Blog in which I run thru an entire franchise in quick succession. Look for these periodically whenever I feel like it (as with any and all features and posts here). Up first, to celebrate the release of Alien: Covenant, the Alien franchise. Before you read this and then complain about the lack of the Alien vs. Predator movies let me remind you that a) they suck and b) I'm not gettinior this. So if you really want my thoughts on those terrible movies I'm open to negotiations.