2017 Schurmys - Hall of Fame

2017 Schurmann Film Awards

Hall of Fame

The Post

Today we are enshrining the second class of the Schurmy Hall of Fame. 5 legends of film and/or television will be given the greatest honour possible. A Schumy Hall of Fame induction.

A quick note on the rules for this Hall:
- No more than 5 inductees shall be honoured in a given year. Last year 10 were done but as the first year a larger class was allowed
- Eligibility shall be determined as being 30 years after the first relevant credit on IMDB or death, whichever comes first. Last year Philip Seymour Hoffman was the only honouree to meet eligibility in a tragic manner.
- Persons shall be eligible for work in the television and film industries across as role.
- Groups of persons shall be eligible only considering the work they accomplished together

2017 Schurmys - The Worst Awards

2017 Schurmann Film Awards

The Worst of 2017

The Book of Henry

Welcome to the bottom of the barrel. The place where Colin Trevorrow makes twee family drama-brain cancer-vigilante murder films. The place where the director of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy just forgets to film half his movie and forces Scorsese's editor to try and make something of existing footage revolving around a character named Harry Hole. The place where Charlize Theron and Jarvier Bardem sexily brush their teeth at each other amidst random African genocides. This is the place where Will Smith waxes poetically about the status of fairy lives. These are the worst movies I saw from 2017. While I went out of my way to see some truly horrific trainwrecks I did not subject myself to shit like Transformers: Oh God Why Is King Arthur In This or Pirates of Caribbean: Johnny Depp Doesn't Want to Learn His Lines so consider this section to be less complete than the others.

2017 Schurmys - Genre Awards

2017 Schurmann Film Awards

Genre Awards

Your Name

Welcome to the Genre portion of the 2017 Schurmann Film Awards. This is where we celebrate the best comedies, science fiction films, action movies, documentaries, short films and many more. You know, the films that normally get overlooked by the typical awards circuit. Appearing in this section certainly doesn't disqualify a film from major awards, I just wanted to specifically highlight great feats of genre filmmaking.

2017 Schurmys - Television Awards

2017 Schurmann Film Awards

Television Awards

Bojack Horseman

Ah, television. I would like to officially welcome the medium to the Schurmann Film Blog. It's a big step in becoming a legitimate art form. In fact, I believe it only needs to get a former star elected to highest office in the land and oh wait... not him. He doesn't count. Let's just wait for President Oprah.

Anyways, welcome to the television section of the Schurmann Film Awards. I will be honouring the best the medium had to offer in 2017, or at least the best that I saw. There is so much television out there I can't even pretend that these awards are anywhere close to definitive. There's no Walking Dead or Big Bang Theory or Kit Harrington nominations so consider these to be above the Emmys but still below an actual awards ceremony like the Nobel Laureates. For your reference so you don't yell at me asking where season 3 of Fargo is (for the record I didn't really care for season 2 so I didn't watch season 3) I'll be linking a list of all the television I watched this year. That link is conveniently right here. And now, the 2017 Television Awards portion of the Schurmys.

2017 Schurmys - Technical Awards

2017 Schurmann Film Awards

Technical Awards

Wonder Woman

Welcome to the first batch of awards being handed out. These are the technical awards. You probably don't know the names of the people doing this work (and neither do I and I fully accept that that makes me terrible) but the work they do is as important as the famous stars wearing their costumes, parading around their sets or being buried by CGI. These unsung heroes get a chance to step into the spotlight today.

2017 Schurmys - An Introduction

2017 Schurmann Film Awards

An Introduction

Okja

Welcome to the 2017 edition of The Schurmys. This is the first year they will be taking place on this blog spread over multiple days instead of being released as one giant Google document on Oscar morning. This year I have a week long celebration of the best (and worst) of 2017 in film and television planned so be sure to come back every day to stay up to speed.

2017 Schurmann Film Awards

2017 Schurmann Film Awards

Hub

Molly's Game

Welcome to the 2017 Schurmann Film Awards (aka The Schurmys) where I honour the best (and worst) in film and television from the year that was 2017. This is the hub containing the schedule and links to the various posts.

Monday - Introduction (w/ Video Celebration)

Tuesday - Technical Awards

Wednesday - Television Awards

Thursday - Genre Awards

Friday - Worst Awards

Saturday - Hall of Fame Induction

Sunday - The Major Awards

I, Tonya

The Last Face Puts White Romance Over African Suffering

The Last Face

Director - Sean Penn

Writer - Erin Dignam

Starring - Javier Bardem, Charlize Theron, Adele Exarchopoulos

I'm going to just spare you the suspense on this one. This is a fucking terrible movie. Stop. Don't get excited. This isn't The Book of Henry or even The Snowman. No, this isn't even similar to another Cannes failure about White people existing in foreign lands, The Sea of Trees. This is a travesty of a film that doesn't even have the dignity to let the audience laugh at it (except for sexy tooth brushing). I'm going to do the best that I can to prevent you from ever seeing this film. You'll read things here and imagine them being hilariously terrible but don't bother. Sean Penn doesn't play by normal rules. He imagines this as a grand epic romance that also showcases the plight of Africans and inspires us to action. Well, Sean Penn is a fucking moron.

Mister Viewer, You Could Have Saved Yourself. I Gave You All the Clues.

Opening Act: The Snowman

The Snowman resembles a good movie for all of about 10 seconds. That's how long the beautiful shots of the frozen, desolate Norwegian wilderness look firmly establishing the isolation of a house. Once the film enters the house though, it immediately begins to fall apart in a completely dumbfounding manner. To put yourself in the proper headspace for what this movie is you only need to know one thing. It is about a police detective played by Michael Fassbender named Harry Hole tracking a serial killer who makes snowmen at crime scenes. It is not a comedy. This opening scene is a piece of backstory that I'm pretty sure has nothing to do with Mr. Hole (Disclaimer: I have basically no idea what happens in this movie. It's a complete mess and I stopped caring about trying to put the pieces together especially once I realized that about half the pieces were missing because they didn't film the entire script. This is a bad movie.) but exists to establish the world. Take a look for yourself.

Schurmy Classics - 1957 Part III: The Big Ones

Schurmy Classics

Part III: The Big Ones

The Cranes Are Flying

Here it is, what you've patiently waited for. You may have even read the other parts of this edition of Schurmy Classics while you were waiting. I applaud you for doing so. Every award in this section will have honourable mentions because 1957 was too good to limit myself to just the nominees. You've already read too much to have to sit through more preamble so let's just move onto the awards.

Part I: Technical Awards
Part II: Genre Awards