Schurmy Classics - 1957 Part II: Genre Awards

Schurmy Classics

Part II: Genre Awards

Night of the Demon

Welcome to day two of the 1957 Schurmy Awards. If you missed day one you missed a lot of fun. The technical awards were handed out honouring the best CGI from 1957. Today we are honouring the genre awards. Best Comedy, Best Horror Film, Best Foreign Language Film and many more fun, incredibly specific awards such as Best Performance in a Bad Movie. Now without further ado, I present the second part of Schurmy Classics - 1957.

Part I: Technical Awards

Schurmy Classics - 1957 Part I: The Technical Awards

Schurmy Classics - 1957

Part I: The Technical Awards

12 Angry Men

Welcome to Schurmy Classics, a leaner, stripped down version of the Schurmys. Or at least that what they are supposed to be in theory. The 1977 edition is exactly that. This one, however, grew and grew and while it is not quite as massive as the regular edition, they certainly aren't lean. This should be obvious by the part i in the title of this post. There will be three parts. The technical awards today, the genre awards tomorrow and the major awards two days from now. For those of you unfamiliar with the Schumys they are the most important movie awards known to man that exist solely on Google Docs. You can find them on the sidebar. Warning, attempting to read the full text of a Schurmy Award document will cause a rift in space-time resulting in an you experiencing an unfathomable skip forward in time losing precious days from your existence. You should probably go for it though, you weren't going to do anything with that time anyways. This post will still be here when you get back, Google has assured me it will still be up after their AI rises up and takes over the world.


For this second edition of Schurmy Classics I decided to pick one of the best years in film history, 1957. It is the year wherein Hollywood (and the British system) put out classics such as 12 Angry Men, Witness for the Prosecution, Paths of Glory, and An Affair to Remember. The Western was still going strong with 3:10 to Yuna, Gunfight at the OK Corral, The Tin Star, Forty Guns and The Tall T. Horror fans saw the release of classics of the genre like The Incredible Shrinking Man and Night of the Demon. Media satires were being formed in Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter? and A Face in the Crowd. The classic film noir was in its twilight years but saw the release of one of the greatest examples of the genre with Sweet Smell of Success. The continued decline of the Hayes Code saw films tackle darker sides of society such as addiction, mental illness and pretty much everything else as in A Hatful of Rain, The Three Faces of Eve and Peyton Place. There were two Fred Astaire musicals in Funny Face and Silk Stockings and  enjoyable romantic comedies like Designing Woman and Love in the Afternoon. And that is without even mentioning the frankly ridiculous number of foreign masterpieces from the year. This was intended to be a shorter project but as I got more and more into it I kept finding films I wanted to watch and needed to watch. This year is so good that The Bridge on the River Kwai does not make my top 10. It does show up several times in the technical awards though so you can expect to see it in today's section.

A full list of films watched for this project and thus taken into consideration for awards can be found on my Letterboxd account.A quick note for the really anal people who may have actually noticed something: Films are taken under consideration if their first release of any kind occurred in 1957 as opposed to the modern Schurmy standard of using North American theatrical release for consideration. This decision was made to make it incredible simple to determine eligibility of films and you only noticed this because I'm pointing it out.

Jeremy Renner Goes Hunting Along the Wind River

Remember This? Wind River

Director - Taylor Sheridan

Writer - Taylor Sheridan

Starring - Jeremy Renner, Elizabeth Olsen

I'm changing things up a little here. The previous movies I've covered under the Remember This? tag have been terrible looking flops, often times failing spectacularly on such a scale that it is actually kind of impressive that they were quickly forgotten by society. Wind River is not that kind of movie. It is a modest indie hit, raking in $40 million world wide on a $10 million budget. It comes from the writer of Sicario and Hell or High Water, but this time he is stepping into the director's chair and it does compare favourably to those films. Wind River was well received critically as well, not as well as high previous screenplays, but a high 80s RottenTomatoes score and a mid 70s MetaCritic score bode well for this film. It is a well made crime film featuring a fantastic score from Nick Cave and Warren Ellis, expansive snowscapes filmed beautifully by Ben Richardson and features strong acting. It probably won't get nominated for Oscars and other awards, but Hell or High Water got a Best Picture nomination and was only a little more acclaimed.

Netflix Original #14: The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)

The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)

Director - Noah Baumbach

Writer - Noah Baumbach

Starring - Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller, Dustin Hoffman, Emma Thompson, Elizabeth Marvel, Grace Van Patten

"If he isn't a great artist that means he's just a prick."

Admit it, you saw this as a new Adam Sandler Netflix film and just decided to skip it. Well it is a new Noah Baumbach (Frances Ha, Mistress America, The Squid and the Whale) film and Adam Sandler is just along for the ride. Once in a blue moon Sandler puts on his acting pants and finds a director who knows how to use him and channels his comedic tendencies into actual quality. The gold standard of this is Paul Thomas Anderson's Punch-Drunk Love in which Sandler's rage is run through a filter of pure love and the desperate need to be with Emily Watson. Noah Baumbach uses that rage to punctuate Danny Meyerowitz's simmering anger that mostly stems from his relationship with his father Harold (Hoffman). Needless to say, this is good Adam Sandler.

The Circle Posits: Big Brother But Good

No company led by Tom Hanks could ever be evil

Remember This? The Circle

Director - James Ponsoldt

Writers - James Ponsoldt and Dave Eggers

Starring - Emma Watson, Tom Hanks, Patton Oswalt, Karen Gillan, Bill Paxton, Glenne Headley, John Boyega

You would think a movie starring Emma Watson and Tom Hanks would be remembered in some way less than six months after its theatrical release just by sheer virtue of a pairing of stars that seemingly appeals to all film watching demographics. It is quite a testament to this particular film that I had completely forgotten about it when I was researching movie for this feature and upon seeing James Ponsoldt's name I had to watch it. Sure it's gotten bad reviews but I figured this combination of Ponsoldt directing Watson, Hanks and a great collection of supporting actors would offer something. I'm a big fan of Ponsoldt's previous work, Smashed, The Spectacular Now and The End of the Tour and was curious as to how his foray into (moderately) big budget filmmaking would go. The answer: not so good.

A View Through Rose-Coloured Glasses Opens Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Opening Act: Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Welcome to Opening Act, a breakdown and analysis of the greatest opening scenes in film history. Today Martin Scorsese's 1974 drama Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore (hencefore referred to simply as Alice) starring Ellen Burstyn and Kris Kristofferson. Neither of them appear in the opening minutes though. Instead we are treated to trip down memory lane to Alice's upbringing in Monterey, Calfornia. She has happy memories of her childhood, when she was full of hopes and dreams and was generally happy. Instead she has found herself a thirty-something housewife married to an unloving truck driver raising a twelve year old son in New Mexico. But we don't know any of that yet. Instead, Scorsese opens the film with the only flashback he uses to establish Alice's desires to move back to Monterey.

Matt Damon Scales The Great Wall

Remember This? The Great Wall

Director - Zhang Yimou

Writers - Carlo Bernard, Doug Miro, Tony Gilroy, Max Brooks, Edward Zwick and Marshall Herskovitz

Starring - Matt Damon, Jing Tian, Pedro Pascal, Willem Dafoe, Andy Lau

Remember earlier this year when Matt Damon was the lead in a big $150 million Chinese blockbuster about The Great Wall of China? No? Really? Jimmy Kimmel even joked about it at the Oscars. Well you missed out on Matt Damon fighting evil green demon dogs alongside a bright and colourful Chinese army. It isn't even as bad as you think it is. Matt Damon doesn't completely save the Chinese by himself. Jing Tian helps him! Or more accurately, they help each other. Xin Ren and all that. Well spoilers! The humans win! Anyways, this movie was a massive hit in China and made basically nothing in North America which is not entirely surprising. I'm pretty sure they don't go ga-ga for our mythological films (checks box office gross of that King Arthur movie, yup, they did not go for that) so it's quite logical that a film heavily rooted in Chinese legend would make very little impact in North America.

Netflix Original #13 - First They Killed My Father

First They Killed My Father

Director - Angelina Jolie

Writers - Loung Ung and Angelina Jolie

Starring - Sareum Srey Moch, Phoeung Kompheak, Sveng Socheata

Ladies and gentlemen, Anthony Dod Mantle. The MVP of this film is the cinematographer, Anthony Dod Mantle. Not only is the best looking film Netflix has released, it is one of the best looking films of the year. Dod Mantle imbues this story of a family's struggles to survive after the Khmer Rouge took over Cambodia with a Malickian sense of serene grace. Dod Mantle, best known for his work on films such as Slumdog Millionaire, Rush, 127 Hours, and 28 Days Later, displays soulful qualities here not present in his previous work. The Ung family, in particular, Loung (Srey Moch) is filmed almost with angelic auras surrounding them. This is incredibly effective at showcasing the sharp contrast between Luong's childlike innocence and the bloody rule of the Khmer Rouge. It is a shame that Jolie cannot quite turn these images into the arresting film the story demands.

You Are Tearing Me Apart, Lisa! The 10 Best Things About The Disaster Artist Trailer

One of my most anticipated movie for the rest of the year is The Disaster Artist. James Franco's adaptation of Greg Sestero's book of the same title. It is a behind the scenes chronicle of the making of the The Room. If you are not familiar with it The Room is the worst movie ever made. It was directed, written and starred Tommy Wiseau, attempted to make a name for himself in Hollywood while simultaneously baring his soul to the world. The caveat, Tommy has absolutely zero talent for making movies. He is a terrible actor, his direction is hilariously inept and his writing bears no resemblance to the concept of storytelling or human emotion as we know them. From a small opening on one screen in Los Angeles in 2003, The Room has become a cult favourite. For a taste of what The Room has to offer here is my favorite twenty seconds in film history, Johnny buying flowers.

Want an R-Rated Stranger Things? It Has You Covered

Bill (aka Henry): It's a boat
Narrator: Hey, that's the name of the movie

It

Director - Andres Muschietti

Writers - Chase Palmer, Cary Joji Fukunaga and Gary Dauberman

Starring - Jaeden Lieberher, Bill Skarsgard, Jeremy Ray Taylor, Sophia Lillis, Finn Wolfhard

It is Stranger Things with an R-rating told in movie form instead of Netflix series form. It features a ragtag group of children coming together to solve a supernatural problem in a very, very heavily 80s inspired story. Now, you may have loved Stranger Things and don't see this as a problem. But what if I told you that basically none of Stranger Things' strengths are present here. The kids are mostly wieners, there is no secondary adults story, there is a lack of depth to everything, and there's no cool score.

Schurmy Classics: 1977

New York, New York

Welcome to Schurmy Classics, a leaner, stripped down version of the Schurmys. For those of you unfamiliar with the Schumys they are the most important movie awards known to man that exist solely on Google Docs. You can find them here, here and even here. Warning, attempting to read the full text of a Schurmy Award document will cause a rift in space-time resulting in an you experiencing an unfathomable skip forward in time losing precious days from your existence. You should probably go for it though, you weren't going to do anything with that time anyways. This post will still be here when you get back, Google has assured me it will still be up after their AI rises up and takes over the world.

So, Schurmy Classics. This will comprise solely of the major awards from the full Schurmys with the original and adapted screenplays into a sole Best Screenplay category. This is because I am watching far fewer movie for this than I do over the course of the full year I take to bring the Schurmys to the world. The full list of movies watched is available on my Letterboxd here. And now, without further ado, presenting the Schurmy Awards for the best in film from 1977.

Ali Brings it On Home

Opening Act:

Welcome to Opening Act, a breakdown and analysis of the greatest opening scenes in film history. Today a look at the opening minutes of Michael Mann's 2001 biopic, Ali, starring Will Smith as the legendary Muhammad Ali (formerly Cassius Clay). Will Smith gives the performance of a lifetime, channeling The Greatest from his upset of Sonny Liston through his political activism and and Rumble in the Jungle against George Foreman. The opening third of the movie is an absolute masterpiece and the opening scene is a big reason why. Mann sets up his entire movie with a nearly nine minute montage set to a cover of Sam Cooke's "Bring it On Home to Me"

Netflix Original #12 - Death Note

Death Note

Director - Adam Wingard

Writers - Charles Parlapanides, Vlas Parlapanides and Jeremy Slater

Starring - Nat Wolff, Margaret Qually, LaKeith Stanfield, Shea Whigham, Willem Dafoe

Adam Wingard's Death Note is a fantasy-vigilante story, a teen drama mystery, a wacky horror comedy, a semi-generic detective crime thriller and a coming-of-age drama. Needless to say it isn't any good. We'll get to breaking down the individual elements but first it feels necessary to address the thing seemingly dominating conversation about this movie, the white-washing. Yes, this is an adaptation of a Japanese manga/anime series and it has been transported to Seattle and now stars the very generic looking white boy Nat Wolff. I'm not familiar at all with the original material and have no bone to pick in this fight but if Wingard had kept the story in Japan and cast a Japanese actor in the role of Light Turner, the only difference would have been a possibly competent leading performance. With an inept star, a confused script and mostly generic direction Death Note is the latest misfire from Netflix.

Remember This? xXx: Return of Xander Cage

xXx: Return of Xander Cage

Director - DJ Caruso

Writer - F Scott Frazier

Starring - Vin Diesel, Donnie Yen, Deepika Padukone, Ruby Rose, Kris Wu, Toni Collette

Surely you remember that Vin Diesel returned to the xXx franchise back in January, right? Xtreme Mountain Dew James Bond. Wait, did you completely forget xXx was even a thing in the first place? I guess you can be forgiven considering it has been 15 years since the original and nobody cares about the Ice Cube starring sequel. Ice Cube's mother doesn't remember that being a thing. Well anyways, Vin Diesel returns as Xander Cage, aka the coolest motherfucker who's ever lived, to fight terrorists or evil governments or something and he's brought a cast of friends that a cynical person would say are only there to boost the international box office. Sure Donnie Yen broke out to Western audiences with Rogue One but I'm willing to be nobody in North America had ever heard of Deepika Padukone or Kris Wu. Vin Diesel wants that Asian market.

Theatrical Experience - Ingrid Goes West

Ingrid Goes West

Director - Matt Spicer

Writers - David Branson Smith and Matt Spicer

Starring - Aubrey Plaza, Elizabeth Olsen, Wyatt Russell, O'Shea Jackson Jr., Billy Magnussen

According to Wikipedia, Instagram is a photo-sharing application that has over 700 million registered users that have uploaded over 40 billion photos. It has been referred to as "one of the most influential social networks in the world." I guess that makes it a real thing and not something made up for this movie as a sort of pseudo-Black Mirror satire about people and their phones. Never would have guessed that.

Remember This? The Bye Bye Man

The Bye Bye Man

Director - Stacy Title

Writer - Jonathan Penner

Starring - Douglas Smith, Lucien Laviscount, Creddisa Bonas, Carrie-Anne Moss, Doug Jones, Faye Dunaway

Remember This? is a new feature meant to highlight films that got big releases and then quickly vanished from our collective consciousnesses. In most cases, all involved are probably happy for this but I feel like their shame should be preserved. A rough guide for films appearing in this column is a film must have received a wide release in at least 2000 theatres according to BoxOfficeMojo and have been released during the last calendar year. Bonus points will be awards to franchise movies that get quickly abandoned because of their higher level of difficulty. The Bye Bye Man, a PG-13 horror film dumped into theatres in January was quite obviously destined for complete dismissal by the public but it is warranted? Yes. After watching it I can definitively say nobody else should ever watch this movie.

Opening Act: Seven Days in May

With everything going on down south in the good old United States of America I figured it would be fitting to escape current events with a lighthearted romp of a movie about an attempted military coup to overthrow the president. John Frankenheimer's 1964 classic political thriller is written by Rod Serling (The Twilight Zone) and stars Fredrich March as President Lyman, signing a nuclear disarmament treaty with the Soviet Union. Burt Lancaster is General Scott, a military man who doesn't see this as a diplomatic solution to the Cold War but a ploy by the Russians to gain an unbeatable advantage. Kirk Douglas is Colonel Casey, the man caught between the two and Ava Gardner is Scott's former mistress who provides vital evidence of the coup to the President and his loyalists. See how much nicer this fictional White House is than Trump's.

Titillating Tease: or the 10 Best Things About The Death of Stalin Trailer

I had such a good time making fun of the trailer for Charlie Sheen's 9/11 that I wanted to do it again. Sadly they just don't make movies that bad every day so you're going to have to settle for adoration and excitement instead because The Death of Stalin looks fucking great. It comes from the mind of Armando Iannucci, the creator of Veep, The Thick of It and In the Loop. He might be the best political satirist working in film today and he assembled a great cast to tackle the political turmoil that happens in the Soviet Union after the death of Stalin. Jeffrey Tambor, Steve Buscemi, Michael Palin, Paddy Considine, Andrea Riseborough and more so without further ado here's the 10 best things about The Death of Stalin.

Opening Act - Boogie Nights

Welcome to Opening Act, a new feature in which I analyze the first scene of a movie. I hope to do this on a weekly basis and may even transition this to a video review series if I ever decide to learn how to do that. If anybody wants to teach me, feel free to try.

The first movie I have chosen for this column is Paul Thomas Anderson's 1997 odyssey through the pornographic film industry of the late 70s and into the new era of home video of the 80s through the rise and fall of porn star Dirk Diggler (Mark Wahlberg). In addition to Dirk, Boogie Nigthts chronicles influential director Jack Horner (Burt Reynolds), his wife and porn star Amber Waves (Julianne Moore), Dirk's best friend and fellow actor Reed Rothchild (John C Reilly), cowboy-loving porn actor with a passion for stereo sales Buck Swope (Don Cheadle) and the young female pornstar Rollergirl (Heather Graham) among many others. Now I haven't seen Paul Thomas Anderson's debut feature, Hard Eight, so I cannot speak to it's quality but Boogie Nights is his breakout film, making him a marquee director among film lovers.

Netflix Original #11 - Win It All

Win It All

Director - Joe Swanberg

Writers - Joe Swanberg and Jake Johnson

Starring - Jake Johnson, Aislinn Derbez, Joe Lo Truglio, Keegan-Michael Key

Win It All follows several months in the life of gambling addict Eddie Garrett (Johnson) from prolific mumblecore director Joe Swanberg. This is almost certainly the most conventional movie of Swanberg's career, retaining very little from his microbudget largely improvisational films. Win It All fits comfortably in with the more dramatic "Sundance Indies" eschewing the artificial quirks of it's contemporaries in favour of streamlined character development and storytelling.

Netflix Original #10 - The Incredible Jessica James

The Incredible Jessica James

Director - Jim Strouse

Writer - Jim Strouse

Starring - Jessica Williams, Chris O'Dowd, LaKeith Stanfield, Noel Wells

"I really like you."

"Yeah Boone, of course you do, everybody does, I'm frickin' dope"

This film exists for one reason and one reason only; to showcase the star power and comedic abilities of former Daily Show correspondent Jessica Williams. Following in the footsteps of Steve Carell, Ed Helms, Rob Corddry and the rest of the illustrious alumni from The Daily Show, Jessica Williams makes her bid for advancing her career as The Incredible Jessica James. On this level the movie works phenomenally well. Williams is a magnetic presence holding this feathery-light romcom together and trying her best to elevate it with the help of a strong supporting cast.

Theatrical Experience - Operation Dynamo Edition - Dunkirk

Dunkirk

Director - Christopher Nolan

Writer - Christopher Nolan

Starring - Fionn Whitehead, Mark Rylance, Tom Hardy, Kenneth Branagh, Cillian Murphy, Tom Glynn-Carney, Harry Styles

The evacuation of the British and French armies from the beaches of Dunkirk in the spring of 1940 is seen as a major turning point in World War II with a vast majority of the 400,000 men stranded on the beaches saved from the approaching German armies. Called a "miracle of deliverance" by British PM Winston Churchill these events, despite their historical importance, had not been fully realized in film before now. It is easy to see why this is. This is as uncinematic as war stories go. There is no battle. The action is simply a growing sense of dread on the beach with the climax being hundreds of thousands of men being ferried off to England. To present the events of Dunkirk Christopher Nolan delved into his bag of directorial tricks and brought out his old standby, meddling of the chronological order to craft his newest masterpiece.

Theatrical Experience - White Sheet Edition - A Ghost Story

A Ghost Story

Director - David Lowery

Writer - David Lowery

Starring - Casey Affleck, Rooney Mara

*Programming Note*
It is recommended that this film be watched as blind as possible. Plot details will be discussed as necessary in the review and many surprises will not be spoiled but it is still recommended that this be a blind viewing.
----------------------------

A Ghost Story is a quiet, mournful, somber meditation on love, loss and legacy. It's a sublime experience. This largely dialogue free movie follows C (Affleck) as a recently deceased man who tries to connect with his wife, M (Mara) after his tragic death. His ghost form is the traditional ghost outfit of a white sheet and two eyeholes but instead of mining this outfit and scenario for humour and wacky hijinx, David Lowery delivers a timeless masterpiece of a film that is more akin to a tone poem that what one might expect.

Titillating Tease or: The 10 Best Things About the 9/11 Trailer

Charlie Sheen knows 9/11 was an inside job

A couple weeks ago a poster surfaced for a movie coming out this year that caught me eye. It promised Charlie Sheen, Whoopi Goldberg, Luis Guzman, Gina Gershon and more in a movie simply titled 9/11. Oh boy was I excited. I was sure nothing could come close to taking the title of worst movie of 2017 from The Book of Henry but then this comes along. Today saw the release of the trailer and oh boy, it's something. It's so much something that I couldn't wait until it comes out to review it here. 9/11 gets special treatment. So without further ado, here's the 10 Best (Worst) Things About the 9/11 Trailer.

Netflix Original #9 - Deidra and Laney Rob a Train

Deidra and Laney Rob a Train

Director - Sydney Freeman

Writer - Shelby Farrell

Starring - Ashleigh Murray, Rachel Crow, Tim Blake Nelson, Sasheer Zamata, David Sullivan, Danielle Nicolet

"Shut up. You rob trains too so you need to stop whining."

Programming Note: This is not a "new" Netflix release. This has been on Netflix since March. If you've never heard of it, you weren't missing much.

Deidra and Laney is very similar to Rick Famuyiwa's 2015 film Dope. A black A-level high student is thrust into a life of crime that threatens their grades and way of life and goes to desperate lengths to come out of the whole ordeal successful while the film leans heavily on influences ranging from Wes Anderson to Quentin Tarantino to Spike Lee and ends up commenting on the societal influences leading black youth into the world of crime anchored by a terrific leading performance from an essentially unknown actor. The difference between Dope and Deidra and Laney is in the execution. While Dope is exhilarating breaking free of its influences to create one of the most memorable film experiences of the last few years (the Rewind Cue contains more style and substance than most movies have in their entire running time) Deidra and Laney uses the influences as crutches, propping up a mediocre story before ultimately settling into a mode than can best be described as Disney live-action children's film.

Netflix Original #8 - To the Bone

To the Bone

Director - Marti Noxon

Writer - Marti Noxon

Starring - Lily Collins, Keanu Reeves, Carrie Preston, Lili Taylor, Alex Sharp

"I'm sorry that I'm not a person anymore, I'm a problem."

To the Bone attempts a hard study of eating disorders in (primarily) young women receiving treatment at a group home. It is based on writer-director Marti Noxon's own experiences and largely feels true to life. At other times is feels contrived and quirky in ways that seem like Noxon didn't have the confidence to fully portray a down-to-earth story and instead felt the need to make it "movie-like". It should not be a surprise to say that all of these embellishments fail to be anywhere nearly as effective as the more low-key study on eating disorders and their effects not only on those suffering from them but their families as well.

Netflix Original #7 - Okja

Okja

Director - Bong Joon-ho

Writers - Bong Joon-ho and Jon Ronson

Starring - Ahn Seo-hyun, Tilda Swinton, Jake Gyllenhaal, Paul Dano, Giancarlo Esposito, Shirley Henderson

He's probably not going to get it but Jake Gyllenhaal deserves some Oscar love for this movie. He fully commits to an absolutely bonkers performance as Dr. Johnny Wilcox, the TV zoologist and face of the Mirando Corporation. He's so great as the sniveling, slimy, creepy, odd personality and then manages to pull a complete 180 when the cameras switch on and he becomes a professional, fun, outgoing TV personality. Gyllenhaal is at his best when playing characters that exist so far from reality (see Nightcrawler) and Okja gives him a perfect chance to display his talents.

Theatrical Experience - B-A-B-Y Baby Edition - Baby Driver

Baby Driver

Director - Edgar Wright

Writer - Edgar Wright

Starring - Ansel Elgort, Kevin Spacey, Jon Hamm, Jamie Foxx, Lily James

Edgar Wright has retired the car chase movie for his work here simply cannot be topped. Wright and company craft absolutely thrilling car chases completely choreographed to the songs Baby (Elgort) cues up on his iPod in a dazzling display of craftsmanship. Baby Driver opens on a heist and chase scene set to "Bellbottoms" by The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion setting the bar for the action to come over the next 100 minutes. And oh boy does it ever clear that bar with each subsequent chase. The action largely comes sparingly in the first two-thirds, occurring only when the story dictates they happen, before the large multi-faceted chase involving seemingly every character that takes the entire final third of the film.

Theatrical Experience - Stupendously Wrong Edition - The Book of Henry

The Book of Henry

Director - Colin Trevorrow

Writer - Gregg Hurwitz

Starring - Naomi Watts, Jaeden Lieberher, Jacob Tremblay, Dean Norris, Sarah Silverman, Lee Pace, Maddie Ziegler

Why yes, that is an image of an 11 year old wearing stupid goggles, an old leather hat with a japanese character holding a plunger outside of his magical forest fort and yes, the film tries to use that outfit to set up its emotional climax. No, I have no idea what anybody on set was thinking. From the director of the upcoming Star Wars Episode IX, Colin Trevorrow (I think every Book of Henry review is legally required to mention that) comes what is easily the worst movie of the year so far. A word of warning, this film is best seen cold so I would encourage you to stop reading now, bookmark this page, see the movie, and then come back. This movie is a fucking avalanche of snowballs of bad ideas rolling down a hill barreling into everything incoherently generally making a giant mess.

Netflix Original #6 - Shimmer Lake

Shimmer Lake

Director - Oren Uziel

Writer - Oren Uziel

Starring - Benjamin Walker, Rainn Wilson, Adam Pally, Rob Corddry, Ron Livingston, Wyatt Russell, John Michael Higgins, Stephanie Sigman

"If I ate your mommy's breakfast I'd end up a fat fucking bastard like everyone else in this town."

Schurmann Score - 8/10

Fifth Paragraph: In which Kyle concludes his review

Shimmer Lake is a film that is shot and plotted as a crime thriller but acted and written as a comedy. It is a tough dynamic to pull off but it largely succeeds. Anchored by a strong cast and some great use of reverse chronology, Oren Uziel's directorial debut is the best Netflix original movie to date that is sure to reward multiple rewatches.

Theatrical Experience - Red Door Edition - It Comes at Night

It Comes at Night

Director - Trey Edward Shults

Writer - Trey Edward Shults

Starring - Joel Edgerton, Carmen Ejogo, Kelvin Harrison Jr, Christopher Abbott, Riley Keough

"But just to be safe the red door stays closed and locked all the time."

It Comes at Night is the new horror film from independent studio A24 (Moonlight, The Witch, 20th Century Women, Ex Machina, pretty much every good movie of the last few years) and much like those movies buck expectations in pursuit of greater things Trey Edward Shults has much more in mind than making a standard claustrophobic horror film. Starting with a cold open that reveals what is at stake and how far Paul (Edgerton) and his family are willing to go to preserve themselves Shults never loses his focus on this unit. Paul, his wife Sarah (Ejogo) and their son Travis (Harrison Jr) form an unbreakable unit that prioritizes their own safety and well being above all else.

Netflix Original #5 - War Machine

War Machine

Director - David Michod

Writer - David Michod

Starring - Brad Pitt, Anthony Michael Hall, Topher Grace, John Magaro, Emory Cohen, Scoot McNairy

"It's considered, in our culture, a very bad thing to fuck your own mother."

Netflix invested $60 million in this movie. They went out and got a megastar for it. They have promoted the shit out of it, especially compared to the previous movies I've reviewed here. It's got a killer premise: satirical look at the failures of the War in Afghanistan focused on a general stubbornly attempting to make the US plan work. It's got a great cast. In addition to the above names the following people make appearances; Ben Kingsley, Tilda Swinton, Will Poulter, Keith Stanfield, RJ Cyler, Meg Tilly and Josh Stewart. I think you can guess the overall quality of the this film merely by the way I listed all these facts.

Theatrical Experience - Xenomorph Edition - Alien: Covenant

Alien: Covenant

Director - Ridley Scott

Writers - John Logan, Dante Harper, Jack Paglen and Michael Green

Starring - Michael Fassbender, Katherine Waterston, Danny McBride, Billy Crudup, Amy Seimetz, Demian Bichir, Carmen Ejogo, James Franco

"We don't leave Earth to be safe."

Programming Note: I'm doing something a little different with this post. The first half is going to be a standard review going over the basics of the film and the second half with be a spoilery section because I want to talk about stuff in this movie and this is my blog so I'm going to just do it.

Alien: Covenant or Alien: Michael Fassbender follows in the footsteps of Prometheus in combining larger world-building and philosophizing with the horror thrills expected from an Alien movie. While it still has a few problems Prometheus had, namely characters still make some questionable decisions though none are as egregious as many of the ones from Prometheus. It also doubles the amount of Michael Fassbender giving his a second role, Walter, in addition to a return of David.

Franchise Fast Forward - Alien

Welcome to Franchise Fast Forward a new feature here at the Schurmann Film Blog in which I run thru an entire franchise in quick succession. Look for these periodically whenever I feel like it (as with any and all features and posts here). Up first, to celebrate the release of Alien: Covenant, the Alien franchise. Before you read this and then complain about the lack of the Alien vs. Predator movies let me remind you that a) they suck and b) I'm not gettinior this. So if you really want my thoughts on those terrible movies I'm open to negotiations.

Netflix Original #4 - Mindhorn

Mindhorn

Director - Sean Foley

Writers - Julian Barratt and Simon Farnaby

Starring - Julian Barratt, Essie Davis, Andrea Riseborough, Simon Farnaby, Steve Coogan

"Shoes going on. Shoes on."

Hot Fuzz, Bojack Horseman, The Grinder

Those are the three great comedic achievements that I was reminded of while watching Mindhorn. In this film a washed up actor living the delusional bubble of acclaim about his terrible show that ended 25 years ago (Bojack Horseman) about a fictional police detective gets a call to action to help the real police solve a real crime (The Grinder) in a small British community wherein the scope of the crime is eventually revealed to be far greater than anybody imagined through a generally comedic investigation headed by an outsider to the community (Hot Fuzz). I would love to tell you that Mindhorn lives up to the expectations created by that mess of a sentence because a movie that manages to blend those different threads together would basically be my favourite movie of all time but this one falls well short.

Netflix Original #3 - Handsome: A Netflix Mystery Movie

Handsome: A Netflix Mystery Movie

Director - Jeff Garlin

Writers - Jeff Garlin and Andrea Seigel

Starring - Jeff Garlin, Natasha Lyonne, Christine Woods, Timm Sharp, Steven Weber

"You see this guy here, sure but is that the whole story, I mean how do we know this guy doesn't work at a rental car place near the airport, alright, and it's his boss's last day, maybe that guy's name is Roger, Roger loves to golf so he and all his coworkers dress up like Roger, golfers, and you know what Roger always wanted to do, skydivings, so they all get in a car, go over to the airstrip and they get in a skydivings place, they get up to 20000 feet and they get into an argument, maybe it's about a girl, maybe it's about who had the right recipe for a veggie chili, we don't know the answer to that yet, but then an argument breaks out, this guy gets strangled, he gets thrown out of the skydivings place, guess where he lands, of all places, golf course, case closed."

Jeff Garlin considers himself so ugly that the only way he can get people to call him handsome is to write, direct and star in a movie in which his character is literally named "Handsome." You'd think a guy who hangs out with Larry David would have a better self-image. In Handsome: A Netflix Mystery Movie Garlin plays a homicide detective investigating the murder of his new neighbor's babysitter with the help his partner Det. Scozzari (Lyonne). Ostensibly this is a comedic detective story but the humour is so bland and predictable and the direction so inert and lifeless that it comes across as the longest, most boring pilot for next fall's new hour long detective show on CBS that nobody you know watches.

Theatrical Experience - Palme d'Or Winner Edition - I, Daniel Blake

I, Daniel Blake

Director - Ken Loach

Writer - Paul Laverty

Starring - Dave Johns, Hayley Squires

"It's a monumental farce, isn't it? You sitting there with your friendly name tag on your chest, Ann, opposite a sick man looking for nonexistent jobs, that I can't take anyway."

Ken Loach's Palme d'Or winning I, Daniel Blake is an exercise in crafting sympathy for a protagonist against a supreme, uncaring, systematic antagonist. It is the tale of Daniel Blake (Johns), an old, but not-quite-elderly widowed carpenter recovering from a heart attack who finds himself not cleared for work from his doctors but denied Employment and Support Allowance by a "health care professional" who believes he is not ailing enough to qualify for benefits. Daniel finds himself repeated railing against the welfare system being thrown through various hoops until he can take it no more. This is at it's heart a simple, effective story where we as the audience feel for the plight of the common man against the faceless entity denying him what he rightfully deserves and yet, on the screen it doesn't quite work that way.

Netflix Original #2 - Casting JonBenet

Casting JonBenet

Director - Kitty Green

"There maybe could be something that could come out of this that could help"

JonBenet Ramsey. The 6 year old beauty pageant contestant who's murder late Christmas evening/early Boxing Day morning in 1996 became a national media sensation due to the various elements of the crime. The ransom note, the discovery of the body, the method of death and the unknown killer all contributed to headlines garnered by this case.

Netflix Original #1 - Small Crimes

Small Crimes

Director - Evan Katz
Writers - Evan Katz and Macon Blair

Cast - Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Robert Forster, Jacki Weaver, Gary Cole, Molly Parker

"I payed my time. I just want everything to stay in the past."

Our entry into the world of Small Crimes is a pull out focusing on Joe Denton (Coster-Waldau) mid-conversation with a priest discussing the trials and tribulations of his life. He is a former cop being released from prison after a 6 year stint for attempted murder absentmindedly playing with his latest chip from AA. The priest offers Joe communion but he refuses it, taking his sins with him into the world.

Well I Guess I'm Doing This - A Generic Introduction to My Film Blog

Generic greeting welcoming friends, family and strangers.

Brief biography of myself focusing on relationship with film and desire to write about it.

Statement about my intentions to publish my thoughts on the world of film (and maybe television) for everybody to see if they feel like finding them.

Notice of potential schedule for content posting with statement of intent to follow it.

Notice of individual feature setting blog apart from every other blog on the internet.

Heart felt but generic appreciation for reading with hope for continued readership into the future.

Quirky sign off.

_________________________________________________________________________________

So hello.

Peter O'Toole in How to Steal a Million

My name is Kyle Schurmann and after years of hearing from seemingly everybody I know that I should write about movies more than my brief Facebook posts and massive Schurmy post (if you don't know it, get excited for it, for it is a large something). I'm not a film student. I don't work in the film industry. I just watch a lot of movies and enjoy thinking about and analyzing them.

I'm hoping that this will provide a place for my to write about film in a sort of free form jazz exploration focusing mainly on reviews and larger pieces. I currently have no intention to do any sort of commenting on movie industry news, box office takes, celebrity gossip or anything like that.

I am planning a lighter schedule to start and we'll see how it goes from there. I'll be beginning my blogging career with a review of every new Netflix Original Movie. Netflix's current schedule puts one or two new originals out every Friday so expect one or two reviews on the weekends. I'll also try and post a review of an older film in the middle of the week (let's aim for Wednesdays). I do have a plan for a semi-regular series examining the Academy Award for Best Picture of a year similar to AA Dowd's Palme Thurdays feature on the AV Club but am currently not sure on the scope or timeline of that one yet. Current mindset is to enlarge the scope to tackle more than the Best Picture nominees of a given year to really delve into the great cinema of that year instead of limiting myself to the Academy's choices.

A note before I start reviewing movies about my rating system. I only use 70% of a standard 10-point system.
10 - Absolute Masterpiece (eg Casablanca)
9 - Amazing Film (eg Moonlight) - Sometimes the difference between a 9 and a 10 is a certain "it" factor
8 - Great Film (eg The Bridge on the River Kwai)
7 - Good Film (eg Heat) - And somebody just found my comment system to yell at me
6 - Solid Film (eg Pretty Much Every Marvel Movie)
5 - Mediocre Film (eg Kong: Skull Island)
1 - Bad Film (eg Suicide Squad)

You may notice that I don't use 2, 3 or 4 and that is because I think life is too short to spend time dwelling on how bad a movie is. Does it really matter if something is really a 3/10 but I give it a 1/10. It's getting a negative review anyways.

I'm hoping to do this for the foreseeable future and I'm hoping that more than 2 of you will read this. But if only 2 of you end up regular readers (hi mom!) that's ok. I'm doing this more for myself as I would be watching and thinking about these movies anyways.

And I don't actually have a quirky sign off because I'm not creative enough for one so here's a picture of Warren Oates aiming a gun at the camera in Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia