Charlie Sheen knows 9/11 was an inside job
A couple weeks ago a poster surfaced for a movie coming out this year that caught me eye. It promised Charlie Sheen, Whoopi Goldberg, Luis Guzman, Gina Gershon and more in a movie simply titled 9/11. Oh boy was I excited. I was sure nothing could come close to taking the title of worst movie of 2017 from The Book of Henry but then this comes along. Today saw the release of the trailer and oh boy, it's something. It's so much something that I couldn't wait until it comes out to review it here. 9/11 gets special treatment. So without further ado, here's the 10 Best (Worst) Things About the 9/11 Trailer.
1. The suspenseful buildup to the reveal of the date of the events portrayed in the film
In case you weren't sure what 9/11 could possible be referring to the film helpfully indicates that it is concerned with the events that happened on September 11, 2001 but it doesn't just come out and say it. It holds it back a little. It builds it up as a reveal. We get a couple shots of the characters going about their days before Charlie checks his watch and then boom 9/11 motherfuckers like it's a surprise. Of course, we already knew this so the dramatic reveal kind of falls flat but oh did the editors try, they even included big dramatic crashing noises (you know, something sounding like a plane crashing into a building).
2. Charlie Sheen and Gina Gershon talk to their child on the phone
They also talk to the grandmother but she clearly doesn't matter. There's no drama in an old lady losing Charlie Sheen, but an "adorable" child. Now that's tragedy. He's even got a baseball glove all ready to play catch with his daddy. Charlie Sheen is so obviously dying and making this kid so sad.
3. Whoopi Goldberg informs these firefighters that the elevators aren't working
Lazy firefighters, don't want to walk up 100 stories to save Charlie and Gina (and the others). They just want to take the elevators but Whoopi ain't having any of that. Bonus points to the black firefighter for wearing his visor half down.
4. Luis Guzman doesn't think anybody's getting out of here alive
Either that or he's questioning his career choices that have led him to this role, being stuck in an elevator with the Tiger Blood King of Winning for however long this movie is going to be. Cool earring though, goes well with the backwards baseball cap.
5. Yes, a intertitle that informs us that yes, 9/11 was a real thing.
I can't even make jokes about this. I'm just flabbergasted that they felt the need to put this in there. Like even truthers like Charlie admit that the World Trader Center buildings fell on 9/11. Who is this for??
6. "Baby, I think we're under attack" - Whoopi
During the trailer it is revealed that from her giant command center that she apparently runs alone Whoopi can communicate with the gang trapped in the elevator. With this line she shares he thoughts on the day's dramatic events with one (1) of the characters in the elevator as denoted by the use of the singular, baby. Who's she sleeping with that's up there? Charlie? Luis? Wood? Gina? Other White Girl?
7. Wood Harris' tourist getup
Yes, that is Avon Barksdale completed shocked that he's fallen from being in the greatest television of all time to this movie. Wood Harris really should have piggybacked off Idris Elba more in the last 10 years. That outfit it truly something else though. The glasses really sell it. Or the red sleeves. Or the pure white hood strings. Or Gina Gershon's contemplation face.
8. Charlie Sheens gets the heroic sacrifice shot
You all know this shot. Framed as a savior, with a dramatic goodbye look on his face that indicated how happy he that he saved somebody (spoiler: it's Gina) while at the same time knowing he has sealed his fate and it going to die, Charlie Sheen is not going to be able to play catch with his kid. Also note the appearance of random white girl over his shoulder. Her and Wood Harris get no lines in this trailer despite there being a grand total of 8 characters spread over 3 sets and 2 of those characters are Charlie's mom and kid who don't deserve any time.
9. "It's not the fall that kills you" - Charlie
So spoilers ahead. The cables snap because that just has to happen in any movie with any sort of extended elevator survival sequence, let alone making an entire film about it and it looks like everybody is going to plunge to their deaths. Clearly somebody heard a thing from somebody once so they are all laying down and just before they fall Charlie says the above line. Luis is confused by this and replies "What is it then?". Oh Luis, did you never hear that terrible dad joke before. It's the landing. And putting this line in what appears to be the dramatic climax of your serious 9/11 movie indicates some poor judgment.
10. Charlie Sheen is falling
No words. Just enjoy the face of the Golden Globe Winning Charlie Sheen in free fall.
11. The release date
No that is not a joke. The studio making this movie planned it's release for September 11th weekend just like horror films come out before Halloween and Christmas films come out in December terrible 9/11 films come out for 9/11.
You can watch the whole trailer here.
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